The winter storm was brewing outside promising to become a blizzard soon. It was the month of November in Northern Ontario, Canada, and I was busy preparing for the Christmas season. In two weeks, I would be decorating the house and the tree. Today, I had spent the morning baking a variety of cookies and squares to store in the freezer for family and guests during the last two weeks in December. This was always one of my favorite times of the year and I looked forward to all the work I planned to do to have the greatest celebration ever.
On my kitchen table, I had several boxes of different Christmas Cards, my address book, a fine-point pen, and a roll of postage stamps. It was mid-November and time to prepare Christmas Cards to send to everyone that was in my address book. A specific card would be chosen for each person or family I was sending to... something personal and beautiful. With the storm outside, it was the perfect day to stay warm and cozy inside and get the task done.
My husband was at work, my oldest daughter of 3 years old was busy playing with her toys and dolls, and my newborn was asleep. Christmas music was playing to help create the mood for this job. Several hours later, I was finished. The stack of sealed envelopes with the postage stamps were ready to be mailed as soon as the weather allowed. Remember, I did this while caring for the children and preparing the evening meal.
I began to walk away from the table when a voice inside me said, "You forgot someone!" I stopped and looked at my stack and said, "Who?". It was the Lord Jesus speaking to me. I recognized His voice. He said, "You need to send a card to your Aunt in Ottawa." I said, "Why?". He said, "You need to send her a card and ask her for forgiveness."
The Aunt He was talking about was someone that I had greatly loved ... in the past. She had been my favorite Aunt, my role model, and I had always wanted to be like her. However, nine years before, I had walked away from that relationship in anger and with great hurt. She had made a lot of unjustified and untrue accusations against me that shocked and hurt me. I did not even know how to respond. Today, I understand, but at that time, I did not.
The way I was raised by my Grandparents, I had never learned HOW to have a relationship with anyone. I had not been allowed to play with other children, except my cousins whenever they visited. Even then, they were allowed to run, laugh and be noisy --- I was not. I would be told to stop showing off and settle down. I was also raised to believe that 'children were seen but not heard'. Therefore, I internalized everything and rarely spoke unless asked a question. Communication is a wonderful thing and helps to build relationships. I didn't know that, and therefore, my silence made her accusations true ... even though they were untrue.
Back to the story. I said to the Lord Jesus, "Why do I have to ask her for forgiveness when it was her who spoke evil against me? I think she should be asking ME for forgiveness!" He just said, "I need you to do this, Gina." I said "Okay, I will do this. However, You will have to dictate the letter to me. I have no idea what to say." And, I sat down, picked out a card, and He dictated the words to me. Afterwards, I put the card in an envelope, sealed it, and set it aside to sit alone away from the stack.
The next day, I mailed all of the cards, except the one to my Aunt. It took me about a week to finally do it. I remember that day so well. When I got to the mailbox, I stood there for a minute or two with the card still in my hand. I didn't want to do this, but I had to. Finally, I opened the lid and dropped the card in. As soon as I did that, ALL the hurt, All the anger that I had lived with for 9 years was GONE! It was replaced with love for her again. The peace inside of me was amazing.
You see ... God is a God of love. Without love for everyone, we cannot serve Him properly. And, only He can give us HIS love and pour it inside of us so that we can love others. My Aunt never did respond to my card, but I did not expect her to. Years later, the Lord showed me why this had been necessary.
When we experience hurts, anger, and jealousies, most of the time, we insist on dwelling on and internalizing them within us. We feel so justified doing so regardless of the reasons. These emotions will cause a poison within us that can physically and mentally destroy us. Doctors have discovered that when people harbor those kinds of emotions, it can cause a variety of terminally ill diseases ... especially cancers. When they get these people to choose to forgive those that have hurt them, etc., a lot of the times, their diseases disappear and they live longer and healthier.
I hope you enjoyed this meal and are blessed.
Gina P
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